THOUGHT IS ENERGY
Here is a thing to think about.
I am guilty of this too, so don't get
all uppity at me for having thought.
the pictures page.
My special creative page.
Home is where you started
Moving on from the 60's.
I saw the television
movie, "The 60's." It really stirred me emotionally. Having experienced
that era, I again felt the anger raise up in me as images recapped
those days. I also felt that anxiousness reach back into me grabbing my
soul. I now feel as though that film showed me where I took a hard
90° turn in life changing the course of my life forever.
By the late 60's, my feelings about the war were of
disgust and I wanted to effect a change in government policy yet I was
still too young and powerless to do that which I aspired. That and the
dissonance within myself created a lack of commitment. I went with
doing nothing. Of course I did talk with friends, sharing my anger and
contempt of the situation of our nation.
I feel incomplete about that time in my life
experience. I feel as though I yet have to finish something I left
behind back then. I can't place an answer to the question of just what
that would be though. It is as though there is a ghost from that era
coming back, haunting me and pulling me to look once again at that
history to find that lost part of myself. It seems to me, if I could
just get there, I could find a missing part of myself and become
complete as a person. But where is the time machine and do I really
think I want to go back to that tormented time. That part of living is
gone. If placed in the same circumstances I would undoubtedly do
exactly the same thing again.
I wanted to be in Berkley and San Francisco,
participating. I heard about all those things, those happenings, daily,
from my vantage point of life less than 50 miles away. Yet from my
position, influenced by both parents and pears, inexperienced and
fearful, I watched the happenings from home. Home, safe in that known,
familiar, protected space. I watched the world from a color television
set stuck in a corner of our living room. The headlines stunned us
continually. If it wasn't the deaths of soldiers or the strong friends
of the world, it was the misguided beatings and killing of
demonstrators who spoke and pushed their beliefs. It was a disturbing
time to reach for adulthood.
Music became one substance that bound a generation
together. It demonstrated the jagged truth of a generation's
dissatisfaction with the values of both the established government and
the preceding generations. It sprang out in both its discord of unity
and its raging emotion. The loudness expressed the level of
disenchantedness in the normal ordered world. It became something new
and more importantly, something to identify with. It showed a
generations willingness to experience and create something new. The
concept of a utopian communal society sprang fourth as what was needed
to create peace and harmony for the world. The music succeeded but the
Music is nearly all that remains from that
idealistic revolution. Music has no need to be proven as does a concept
in living. Music is quickly accepted or rejected by society because it
has no action. A communal society on the other hand, to be tested. The
concept has to be accepted by the entire population to become reality.
The idea came, hung out there for a number of years, to eventually
wither and slip into the silence of thought. Society rejected the idea
for many reasons, one being, the forces that were in place could not be
taken from power. I now think we are too evolved to go there. For
society to change to that degree our monetary system would have to be
abolished. It is not entirely a bad concept but money is too engrained
in the way we have developed to suddenly become obsolete.
So I leave these thoughts and this writing with
little more than my own emotion. There is nothing that can be done to
make just our history. Those who lost living to the injustice of that
time, are just gone. They have no chance to right the wrongs that were
given them by society. The injustice of governments bringing us "the
rule of law" can be wrong. Sometimes doing what close minded fixed
society envision, allows the cruelty of humans to stand out and
dominate. My thoughts and reasoning tells me that little has changed in
the ways of governments and society. This is surely still not the
utopia that some of us were seeking.
Consumption Without Thought.
Oh the marvel of
living in the modern world. In this era, we humans have placed
ourselves in an existence entirely beyond the realm of nature. We can
now do things detrimental to our planet and experience little if any of
the effect. Our mistakes in daily choices now hide within the mistakes
of our past. They become a piece of what we see because it is a part of
what we see. We walk through life and see mostly what we have created,
seldom seeing what the earth created before we changed it. Our own
clutter of fabrication now covers so much of the landscape that it is
becoming difficult to see beyond what we have made. To most people, the
world is a big city, buildings, streets and sidewalks. Wood, steel,
glass, concrete and asphalt is just about all they see. It is the norm.
It is a problem that is not even realized by most. It is this
artificial environment that people are drawn to. We need excitement,
money and instant gratification. These three things are found in city
In this city environment we escape thought about
where our creation comes from. We escape the realization that some of
what we do daily has detrimental effects to our world. In our creation
we can no longer even see the destruction. If a car leaks oil, falling
to the pavement there is no visible harm. On the other hand if that
same oil dripped on your favorite rose bush, it would be quite evident
that this is a problem. Oil is a toxic substance to most living things.
Yet these kind of things are disguised in our artificial environment.
Other examples are common. The metals used in our buildings and
transportation systems come from the earth. These mines are in places
outside the city and urban sprawl. A mine is a great example of the
hidden in our creation. Mines are generally out of sight, hidden not by
design but by geography. If it were in your city it would be quite
definite to you. But since it is not within the view of the city
environment, out of your personal space, so to speak, its existence
becomes mute. Wood, the substance that most live within is another
example. Wood, the tree, the forest, there used to be a forest where I
now live. Only remnants of it still stand here. The forests are being
taken down by our insensitivity and ignorance. Forests are a vital part
of our planet yet the city uses the resource of lumber which all comes
from outside the city. I live outside the city and see the forest going
down the road on trucks. My favorite places to hunt are being changed
from dense lush forest, to depleted dry landscapes covered with stumps,
down burned logs and weeds. Yes there are small trees coming on again,
but I will never see the mature forest that once stood at my favorite
hunting spot. I think of the birds that once sang in that forest. They
all lost their home. Maybe one day something will come and take our
homes away from us too.
I think a lot of what has let us become this way
is our transportation. It may not be the instrument but the speed with
which we travel. It is so out of the norm of nature that it may alter
the way we perceive things. It could be that if we had to walk
everywhere we went, seeing the world pass by in all its detail around
our feet that we could notice and become appreciative of the things
nature provides. We would be less likely to toss litter on the path
that we walked every day. But then we turned all the paths to concrete
where there is no nature to see so what is wrong with putting a little
more garbage on the concrete anyhow. The concrete will never make a
flower bed and seems so un-natural. That is the key, our artificial
environment. Think about it. Do you litter your front yard? Why not?
Because it is in your personal space. If you walked every place you
went, your personal space would become quite large. Driving around in
automobiles changes the concept of territory. We travel at such speeds
that things like small flowers, insects and litter go nearly
un-noticed, with exception of the insects that splat on your
windshield. Our minds are un-impacted by the things we go by at speed.
We just can't see that much that quickly. But more than that there is
the distraction of the audio system. The sound at a volume to overcome
the noise of the vehicles. It is no wonder we as a species are creating
such destruction. In our hurry to live we forget to look at the space
we are in.
Due to our hurry there is little thought about
what we buy and about what we throw away. We are so consumed by living
the thought of thinking about what we do seldom enters our brain. We
want, so we get. Where does this stuff we consume come from and where
does the stuff we throw away go. The real question to ask is do we
really need it or is it just a want. Need, will we die if we don't have
it. That is a need. Disposable plates, cups and the towels are an
expression of just how lazy we have become in living. It is easier to
just throw it out than clean up a mess. Washing the dishes has become
too much to do for some of us. We can't afford servants so we turn to
disposables. We can put it in the garbage and never think about it
again. Again, think about the garbage. Where does it go and how much do
you generate every day.
We have set ourselves up to be over consumptive.
We live without even thinking about what we consume, where it comes
from, where it goes when we are through with it, and if it is a finite
resource. What will our descendants do when all the metal has been
mined, has been used up and dumped in a landfill, because we were to
lazy to recycle?
Back in 1969 I went to high school in South Lake
Tahoe, California USA. For a while there I rode my grease ball Harley
Davidson chopper to school. Rode up into the parking lot the first day
of school that fall and got rousted by the police as soon as I shut off
the engine. The officer couldn't believe that I could be a student and
ride a Harley. But I was odd for those times. Oh those were the days,
carefree and ignorant as to what the world really held in the future
for all. Friends form that time have slipped away, as though gone to
life. Most of them are gone to mine now except for memory. Memory are
great things. Memories of Lake Tahoe, so blue so moody so magnetic.
Memories of people like Terry Campo, one who died, so did Mark Luffler,
and I imagine a lot more have gone that direction. But for most we
still live, live apart, separately, unknown to one another and it seems
a shame. There are so many that I know nothing about. So many that I
sometimes wonder about, where they are now in life, and what they do
with their every days.
I know I am still a vital person alive and I think
healthy. I have gone through a lot of changes in the time between then
and now. Even more people have come and gone. I found many occupational
ventures to occupy my time, to provide money to live on and to use as
an avenue to meet people and be sociable. I have done so many things.
Fisheries biology, watershed management, wildlife management,
carpentry, house painting, concrete finishing, auto mechanics, jet
engine mechanics, handyman, dishwasher, cooks runner, and chain ape are
just about all the things I can remember doing for work. While in high
school I got my first real job at the Pony Express Lodge up on
Kingsbury. At the same time I worked with my Uncle Curtis at his
welding shop called Joe's Welding Works on HWY 50 down by the Y. Old
Joe had sold the business to my Uncle a few years prior. in future
years my Uncle bought out the auto shop next door and combined the two
businesses calling it Curt's Auto-Weld Clinic. During the days I worked
helping my Uncle with heavy projects of steel and welding, building
steel septic tanks, installation and design of trailer hitches for
pickup trucks, and some repair of snow plows also. Then in the evenings
I washed dishes up at the Pony. It now seems like that was the start of
life. I guess that is because it was the real beginning of
independence. My Uncle and I just worked all the time. I didn't have
any time to spend the money I made that summer. Then one day in late
August I went down the hill to Napa and saw a Harley Davidson
Motorcycle for sale in front of a gas station. I had money to burn from
working and the thought of owning a Harley sent me off. I bought it. I
put it in the back of my Mother's pickup truck and went with her back
up to the lake. Wild days came to me, or I went to them. They were real
for my life then. The ego trip of it all, the pretentiousness of my
life back them. I seemed to think that having a chopper made me fit in,
made me important, strong and most of all powerful. Crap, it was all
crap. I didn't want to know that then. I wanted to be something to
people that I truly was not. At that time in life I lived in the
assumption that you are the image that you can build for yourself
through things and actions. Where that is true, I wanted to be tough
and be looked up to as big and strong. I really could not be big and
strong but owning a Harley provided the image that I was big and
strong. Ignorant and arrogant I was, back then. I am still ignorant but
not arrogant. But to me those people of the school days seem important
Those who shared time and living energy with me, I
salute you. I wonder where you are today. I hope you all do as well or
better than I. I now wish you knew the real me. I really wish I could
have been a person who knew how to really be smart back then. I was
just too afraid to look life in the face then. I guess I am just
learning who I really am, now. I mean in recent years. So from then to
now, hello to you all.